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In a phrase, not what you'd expect.
To get anywhere in Cairo, you must risk your life. If you saw someone crossing the street in the United States the way everyone, the old, the frail, women, children, myself, cross the street here, you would think they were suicidal and try to stop traffic to save their life. To cross the street here, you very simply walk into oncoming traffic. The cars never stop, they just slow down. You wait until a break appears and start walking, and you pause in the approximately human sized spaces between cars as they pass. Fat people, being too wide to fit in these spaces, die. Such is life in Cairo.
To get to Hardee's I had to cross several such streets. Having done so before, I know the technique, which is to wait until an Egyptian sticks his neck out and then use him as a human shield. I have only felt the breath of actual death once so far.
Now ask yourself this question. How many Hardee's establishements could there be in Egypt? Hardee's is not a big chain in the United States. It's no McDonalds. I'm going to go ahead and guess one. Just one, across from the American University. Now operating a fast food franchise is based almost entirely on serving pre-fabricated food provided by the corporation. So it's not exactly radical that the curly fries they serve at the Cairo Hardee's are identical to the ones served in Berkley MI. They are Hardee's curly fries. But how do they get there? Do they ship them from the United States? Are they produced locally under contract, despite the market being limited by the prescence of only one restaurant? How do they do it?
An upsize combo meal with a cheeseburger costs three dollars. The restaurant is obscenely clean. Food is brought to your table, neatly presented. The burger is wrapped up neatly in a little cozy so as to protect it from your fingers. For those that hate how fast food places fill drink cups with ice, there is no ice in the drink (obviously this is because it's Egypt, and it's too fucking hot for ice). The food itself is of 10 dollar quality. Vegetables are chunky and not the pathetic little shreds that McDonalds seems to put on all their food these days.
The conclusion: outsource burger production to Egypt. Thank you. |
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Feb. 19th, 2006 @ 09:37 pm
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Sometimes I really think I’m in the matrix. Like, I’ll be someplace new, or have something new in my hands, and I’ll get this feeling like none of it is real until I really closely examine it. If you’re walking down the street, and it’s the same street you walk down every day, and you’ve walked down it hundreds of times in hundreds of different weather conditions, but this one time you decide to stop and put your face down at the level of the pavement, right up next to the cement, and just look, all those new details that you see, have they always existed? Or were they just created spontaneously at the moment you examined them? Today I held a bottle of Italian sparking wine in my hands, a really beautifully crafted bottle with all sorts of details and export labels and wire and foil. I wanted to take it all in at once, but of course I had to focus on each little part individually to get any more than a very general grasp of it. I find this highly suspect, this business of focusing your eyes to resolve details. In the time it takes you to focus your eyes all kinds of things that weren’t there before could be popping up. The very text I was reading, in Italian, could have been generated word by word as I moved through the sentence.
When I was a little kid I always suspected that when you got in a car and drove somewhere you weren’t really going anywhere at all, it was just like TV screens in the windows playing this image to give you the illusion of movement. I also truly suspected that my parents didn’t go to work, but went up and hid in the attic during the day. There’s probably a name for people like me.
This all could explain a big part of why I feel like I just absolutely need to go see the world, starting this spring. How can I possibly believe that places like Thailand and Egypt and Italy exist without seeing them firsthand? What if the whole idea of Thailand is somebody’s invention, some guy who thought up this magical place where they eat food flavored with hot chili and the women dance with big long metal fingernails? How would I ever know? I need to go and verify for myself, even if I will believe the 19 hour plane ride is no more than an amusement park type simulation. If I go and all of Europe seems about as real as a cardboard cutout, I will know the truth and I will come home and open a Fahlikasian restaurant. Fahlikasia is a small and mystical South Asian country with delicious food that I just invented.
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Jan. 21st, 2006 @ 05:41 pm
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Man that little kid from Jerry Maguire is so cute. And when Jerry has Applejacks with him in the morning, and says "Cheers" and they clank their spoons together, god damn that was adorable. Thats the kind of man I want to be.
Last night I went for a ride in a car built for 5, with 11 people inside. |
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Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 02:41 am
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A backpack, a camera, a journal, and me. 2 months. Spring 2006. This is the plan.
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Nov. 7th, 2005 @ 06:22 pm
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I just made dinner from scratch, vodka-cream marinara on pasta with grilled chicken and aged parmesean, possibly my most complex and exotic dish to date. It was so amazing and now, afterwards, I just want to have sex. Maybe its the warm fuzzy feeling of the pasta in my stomach, or maybe its because the feeling of creating something beautiful has awakened my evolutionary drive to procreate. Its not just a usual sexual urge. Its different.
I had a really great time this weekend. All my friends are amazing, thank you all for putting on halloween cosutmes and walking out in public a week after halloween was over to humor me, and leonid, and my watermelon jack-o-lantern. It really was a perfect night. |
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I'm obviously not much for this livejournal stuff anymore, but rules are rules.
This morning I'm back under 160lbs. Thats race weight baby.
Leave your name and
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.
Oct. 7th, 2005 @ 10:42 am
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I'm sorry I have forsaken all of you, my livejournal friends.
Things are really good.
I feel like I'm more myself than I've ever been before.
I'm really happy with Olga, we've been dating a month today. Thats pretty much it. She even likes Weezer.
I got a summer job offer from Detroit Diesel Corporation, a Materials Science internship, $13/hr, full time through August 12th. I'll accept it next friday if I dont hear from TRW Automotive.
My last final is Monday, marking the end to my first year of college. Grades werent so amazing, but I accomplished a lot of other stuff. Sometimes I forget how hard I worked on the rowing team, but that was really something. Then this semester I won $2400 in writing prizes, which is something too.
This summer I plan to run a lot, interval training like on crew. I'm going to pick up some tapes and books and stuff and start playing the trumpet again, but this time all blues and jazz. As soon as possible I'm going to drive to IKEA in chicago and buy some proper furniture and stuff for my house, so I have something nice to come home to after work. Most of my money, along with the writing prizes, is going into a savings account to fund a trip next summer, which I obsess over daily. My plan is, over 2-3 months:
Israel
Cyprus
Greece
Italy
France (+Monaco and Paris/London quickly)
Spain
Morocco
Egypt
I'd also like to travel to Thailand, where Lonely Planet says $16 is a good backpackers budget for a bed, food, and transportation. Maybe another summer.
See you all in a few short days I suppose
Apr. 24th, 2005 @ 01:26 am
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Baby, I just want to get naked with you and set out the Slip and Slide.
You know why the box says "Adult Supervision Required" right? Awww yeah.
Then I'm gonna take you out for lunch and buy you something off the Wendy's 99 cent super value menu, because I truly value you to the point where it is super. Nothing is too good for my little baked potato.
I didnt mean all those things I said about how you should get a tattoo of my name on your ass. I'm really sorry they misspelled it too.
You know your cousin, the one on your Dad's side with the long bangs and the press on fingernails? Shes kinda cute, with that big ol ass and the little tight tops, dont you think? Alllll right.
So anyway I hope you're coming by my place tonight. I hung up a couple of those car air fresheners in front of the air duct so the whole place will smell like pineapples, cause I know how you love pineapples. They didnt actually have ones that smelled like pineapples, so I got one that smelled like apples and one that smelled like pine trees and put em together. I'm always thinking how I can do right by you, baby.
I febreezed the whole bed too. Its so clean now you can smell it.
And I promise my Mom will be asleep this time. And I'll make sure she takes her muscle relaxants so if she wakes up she wont be able to get up. And I'll take the batteries out of her back massager. There will be no interruptions this time, because baby you mean that much to me.
My entire body is hairless for you, my sweet.
Yours groovingly,
Andrew
Mar. 9th, 2005 @ 01:22 am
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I got absolutely nothing done this break which is really okay. I'm
slightly more relaxed. I got to see some good people. I drove and
rocked out on the expressway going like 95mph all the way to MSU. I saw
Mr. Fadoir and Renee and inhaled CASA through my every pore. I found out I took
first place in the Cooley writing contest today, which is good for "up
to 2000 dollars" ca$h money. I'm starting on a new story. This one
starts out even more morally corrupt. I saw City of God which was
awesome and watched Garden State again and it was with Olga and it was
great. By the way Olga, we're not all bad. What if my gifts are really
in the creative departments and I would be best suited by becoming a
writer? I bought holy basil and prik kee noo which are thai chili
peppers and kaffir lime leaves and a new chinese cleaver for cooking.
I'm feeling pretty damn sexy HOW ABOUT THAT.
Tonight at dinner my mom started complaining that if we go on this
cruise to Alaska my grandparents want us all to take, we'll have to
deal with a week of my dad and my grandad making bad jokes. My Dad goes
"yeah get your Alaska puns ready". So then Caroline asks if you can see
the Northern Lights up there. I go "yeah you know they say they're
really beautiful, but if you really want to see something you have to
get high before you see them"
"Thats why they call it BAKED ALASKA"
Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 01:12 am
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Together we’ve shared times good and bad
I’ll never forget the times we’ve had
I’d trust you to take me anywhere
To think of another, I wouldn’t dare
It feels like together, you and I are one
Cruising through life on the search for fun
I want to be beside you on the day you die
And on that day I’ll kneel down and cry
I’ll swear a curse at the cold hearted Lord
For taking away my Honda Accord
Feb. 27th, 2005 @ 08:43 pm
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The Story of Last Night
Cast of Characters:
Andrew (thats me)
Scottie
Josh
Colin
Katie
Nicole (They're my roommates)
Swish (Shes their 21 year old friend)
Andrea Maguire
John Sloan
Adam
The Police
Dear Diary,
Last night Scottie Josh and Colin came to Michigan. Then we started drinking. The end.
Once Swish showed up with the beer and liquor, we all did shots of SoCo. Josh brought a beer bong with him from state, and I bonged a beer for the first time. Josh and Scott had like 4. I had a shot of tequila with my roommates and then made drinks for me and Colin with 151 and coke. Yes, last night I indulged that evil temptress, the 151. I'm pretty sure I had another tequila shot before we left too.
At this point we started getting ready to go to the Crew party. It was a white trash theme, and I realized I wasnt looking all that white trash. I found my one and only wife beater and put that on, tied a bandanna around my neck, and then had the girls draw an "I heart Mom" tattoo on my arm. Then Scottie tried to draw an arrow through it, but drew the line all the way through the heart, pretty much ruining it. Then he basically just scribbled on my other arm in black. I was now quite trashy and ready for the party. Andrea showed up and we got her caught up.
Somehow we all walked to the crew party, which was totally and utterly ridiculous. I have never seen so many people in a house. There wasnt room to breath. I barged my way through yelling something about X-MCrew, and this bitch coxswain Liza was like "hey fuck you". I was like "nice to see you babe" in my most patronizing voice, and then touched her suggestively. I started high fiving all the crew team members and got cups and barged around getting everyone beer. To reiterate: this party had hundreds of people in a very small house. Adam had taken my coat and put it in the front with the rest of the team stuff. At this point the police showed up. That would be right about the time I was getting to be the craziest and drunkest I have ever been in my life. So the cops are at the front door busting this party, and I want to get my coat and dont really care so I start walking in the front door too. But the cops grab this other kid who is doing that and start questioning him, so I walk around to the back, go against the flow of people back into the house, and up to the front where the cops are, to try to get my coat. Which Adam has already gotten. I was just chillin with the officers for a while there. So that party was busted, and we had to head back. I think this is when Katie yelled "Party at Corner House". Also, John Sloan showed up.
We went back to our apartment, stopping along the way so Swish could pick up another 12 pack. Then things started getting crazier. I turned my speaker system all the way up and put on some rap. More bonging. I was swigging 151 straight from the bottle. Bad idea. People started writing on our pumpkin. Josh wrote "This pumpkin fucking rocks-- Josh". More tequila. First neighbor to show up and start bitching lived below us. Katie invited her in and we got her to take some shots. Later the girl next door came over and started complaining. I'm pretty sure I basically just told her to fuck off. She then called the cops. Yes, you are correct in thinking that I do plan to vandalize her apartment soon. So the cops came to our apartment, I looked through the peephole and saw them, and then opened up anyway, cause I was totally blazed. I tried talking to them, then they asked if I had ID and if I lived here, I was just like "no" and shut the door. Katie talked to them and they went away. Josh and Scottie went with Andrea, who they dont really know, to sleep in her mostly empty dorm along with John, basically naked in her roommates beds.
Colin somehow took his pants off as the roommates all sat around talking about the party. They told me Swish wanted to hook up with me, but they didnt want her to since shes 21 and I'm a freshmen. Fuck that. I went to bed. Scottie and Josh walked all around Oxford housing until the goddamn middle of the night, and actually encountered a third Cop. This time he started asking questions, and so they RAN AWAY.
Right now I'm still kind of drunk and its like noon. Probably explains the lack of a hangover. The moral of the story is: no one got sick. Also, cops ruin fun. I decided it was important to write this on LJ so:
1. I will remember it and have more good times like it.
2. My little sister will read it (eventually) and I will be a role model.
Good day.
Feb. 20th, 2005 @ 11:14 am
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There are so many beautiful girls here
There are so many beautiful, laugh with a smile and then
Smile with a laugh again girls
And I love the way they giggle
And I love the way they walk they jiggle
Wriggled into jeans just much to tight
There are so many beautiful girls here
So many make my jaw drop that I stop and like every two feet
on the street I just lose my damn mind
And I find that with so many beautiful girls here
One must just choose or you’ll loose there’s a million and
one and for fun they just tease so say please and by God I am only just one man!
I say I am only just one man
(One man)
And there are so many beautiful girls here
Looking forward to this weekend, a
certain birthday party, and a bit of one on one with one really
smashing Beth Harris. For so long I felt like I needed an object of
affection to write. Then I was with Talia, and I finished a whole short
story. Dostoevesky was unable to finish Crime and Punishment until his
wife gave him the stability he needed. Kindred souls me and old Fyodor.
Anyway, this sudden production was inspired actually by two women you
would not think of, just a couple of girls who go to a little school I
like to call The University of Michigan.
Feb. 4th, 2005 @ 02:00 am
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I dont know why this hasnt gotten spread around livejournal like every other dumb thing online, but here it is.
I give you:
The free ipod scam.
If you havent heard of this, there are several companies puporting to
give away free electronics (mp3 players, cameras) and other gifts
(purses, golf clubs) if you sign up for some bogus offer and get a
bunch of your friends to do it too.
This is, of course, the dumbest thing you have ever heard of.
Well, I read this article
at wired news, a website I trust, a while back. Since then I've been
following it to see what happens. It appears to me to be almost totally
legitimate. Almost in that most of their profits come from the tens of
thousands of people who never get enough "referrals" (friends who sign
up under them) to earn their prize. The company earns suprisingly large
amounts of money (re: ~$30/50) for each customer that signs up for an
"offer", and economically, this is almost ingenious.
Well, I want an Ipod. I need 5 referrals. If you feel like helping me
out, and/or want to try to get one on your own, click here:
Help Andrew Get a Goddamn Ipod
Sign up using a free hotmail address so you dont get spammed to hell, and then choose an offer. Use this website
to help you choose if you want. Just make sure you sign up after
clicking my referral link, choose something, and then cancel it once
you get credit for it. If you want me to sign up for an offer for you
for a different offer in exchange, well I can do that too.
Thanks all. And yes, I'm sorry.
Jan. 25th, 2005 @ 07:28 pm
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Monkey Natalie Portman Fight
Monkey bite
Natalie fright
Natalie run away, come back with a knife
She stab twice
Ape eat lice
Natalie fears for life
Monkey good
Natalie bad
Natalie thinks that shes so rad
Her smile’s white
No overbite
Body tight
But he throws shite
Natalie now just covered in poo
Monkey says “Stay outta my zoo!”
Jan. 7th, 2005 @ 09:11 pm
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pitter, patter
Jan. 6th, 2005 @ 02:26 am
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I believe being home this week has had a profound effect on me.
Its been a while since I really remembered who I am.
I don't know why, but I think to an extant I was trying to reinvent myself.
I succeeded in developing my body and maturing my mind. But I was also confused.
I think I now know better who I am. More so than ever before.
In the next few days I will be making an executive decision. Either to quit the team or stay on until the end of the semester.
I'm glad for my friends and family, and my home. I'm also glad I got to visit Talia in Canada-- a girl I like very much, who makes me feel like a million bucks. US, not Canadian. Or maybe Euros.
Dec. 31st, 2004 @ 02:29 am
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You think you know, but you have no idea.
Watch this movie if you want to understand me on a deeper level.
Word.
Dec. 9th, 2004 @ 01:19 am
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I wonder what happens to all the squirrels.
They say they go hibernate. But there were a lot of squirrels before. A ton. Its not like I ever see little holes for squirrel dens. There would have to be a lot of them. Then again, its not like I see dead squirrels all over the place.
If I were a squirrel, I would be holed up in my hibernation den with an assload of nuts by now. That must be nice. My apartment is kind of like a hibernation hole, in a way. Not much space and lots of food. If I was a squirrel, I would work on my den all summer long, getting it really big and nice. Then when it was getting cold, I'd see some sexy girl squirrels, and I'd be like, yo baby, come spend the winter with me in my pimped out den.
Squirrels have it easy.
So many girls. So little time. So much easier to hook up on the weekends. But nobody to spend the winter with, snuggled up next to my enormous pile of nuts.
Nov. 30th, 2004 @ 12:16 am
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I just "finished" my first real short story. Which is to say I wrote the ending. Its tenatively titled "Frank and Lou".
If you would like to read it, leave your email and I will send it to you. I dont even know who reads this thing anymore.
Some of it is rather dark, so I dont want to send it to my Dad (the writer). I'm afriad it may be disqualified from the Engineering writing contest due to the phrase "pregnant rape".
--
Yesterday our workout was 3 15 minute rowing pieces in a row. 650 calories.
Today our workout was 2 6000 meter high intensity rows (~24min each). 900 calories.
Tomorrow morning is the Freshman Biathalon. A 10000m row, followed by a run to the stadium, followed by a "stadium run". Up or down every flight of stairs in THE BIG HOUSE.
Then I'm coming home. Or maybe Thursday.
Peace
Nov. 23rd, 2004 @ 08:56 pm
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